The age-old question of “life’s meaning” is one many grapple with. Some feel they don’t earn enough, others believe their work lacks value, and some just desire more freedom. As a result, it feels like many of us are just “going through the motions”. Amidst our busy lives, we rarely pause to consider what our ideal life would look like if we aren’t contented.
So, as we all take a moment during this extended break, we’d like to invite you to ponder this with us. Here are the 12 criteria we’ve distilled for a life truly worth living.
12 Criteria for a Life Worth Living
1. Don’t compare yourself with others
We often find ourselves constantly comparing, aiming to understand “who we really are”, “what we’re good at”, and “where we can improve”. However, constant social comparison can lead to a sense of objectifying oneself. Research suggests that unhealthy comparisons can enhance negative feelings towards oneself and others, leaving us in a constant state of anxiety. Those who compare more tend to have more regrets. The essence is, these comparisons shouldn’t be our metric of self-worth.
If you can detach from the barrage of information on social media and appreciate what you have rather than what you lack, you’re leading a life where you recognize your own intrinsic value.
2. Cherish companionship, support, and love
A 75-year-long Harvard study tracking 724 individuals highlighted that what truly leads to a happy life isn’t academic achievements, salary, or status but meaningful human connections. Those who are closer to their families and enjoy interactions with friends, colleagues, and neighbors seem happier and healthier overall. This isn’t to say that those with more friends or a partner are necessarily happier. What truly matters for a fulfilling life is the quality of these relationships.
A relationship that offers profound support relaxes the soul, reduces defenses, and acts as a consistent ‘support system’, always reminding you that “you are worthy of love”. Remember, it’s not just romantic relationships that count. Any relationship where you feel ‘loved’ and ‘supported’ can be deemed an intimate connection.
3. Discover interests that bring you joy and can be pursued long-term
Psychologist Paul J. Silvia describes interests as “knowledge emotions”. Unlike common feelings like happiness or anger, “knowledge emotions” stir our curiosity to learn more. For example, feelings of wonder, surprise, and awe all encourage us to seek more knowledge. It’s widely accepted that our passions can drive our learning and exploration. But an often-overlooked aspect is that interests can also counteract our negative feelings towards uncertainty (Kashdan, 2004). For instance, if someone who’s unemployed faces life’s uncertainties and fears failing again, finding passion in a desired job can foster curiosity about the future, mitigating those negative emotions. So, if you have something you enjoy doing that consistently brings joy, consider yourself fortunate! It means you have a direction for continuous exploration, making you more resilient against life’s adversities.
4. Show yourself kindness and celebrate the little things
Often, we chase societal markers of success or fixate on grand life goals. Yet, upon achieving them, the elation might not be as fulfilling as we imagined, leaving us feeling empty. Celebrate the little victories in life – the sunset you spotted on your way home, the first bloom on your balcony, or the first dish you cooked successfully. These seemingly “small joys” are hidden treasures in everyday life. While some might dismiss them as trivial, recognizing and embracing life’s inherent “meaninglessness” can free us from feelings of emptiness. As Milan Kundera said, “The absurd, my friend, is the essence of life. It’s everywhere and always with us. Often, it requires courage to acknowledge it, especially under dire conditions. But not only should we recognize it, we should also embrace it.” Having an ordinary day without any issues is, in itself, a reason to celebrate.
5. Don’t be confined by a single metric of evaluation
In a performance-driven society where “working hard enough” is the main focus, endlessly staring at computer screens can make us feel drained and questioning if life’s worth it. Compared to those who put all their energy into one thing, people with diverse interests seem happier and more fulfilled. Psychologist Erikson, who coined the term “identity”, believed that those who develop a sense of identity appreciate the “many facets” of their genuine self, as they develop self-awareness across different areas. Be it pet care, painting, hiking, cooking, dancing, or volunteering, your passion doesn’t need to be something grand or a major task. As long as it’s something you can immerse yourself in and derive joy from, it’s worthwhile. When we find happiness in these various pursuits, life becomes multifaceted and resilient, allowing us to thrive.
6. Help Others Improve When You Can
Being consumed by internal struggles can trap us in our own little world. We spend our days overthinking, regretting, blaming ourselves, and getting tangled up in personal dilemmas, exhausting our precious mental energy. Kindness allows us to see others as an extension of ourselves, creating genuine connections. At the heart of kindness is core kindness, an innate positivity and enthusiasm. Being kind not only reduces anxiety and enhances happiness but also enables us to feel the goodness of the world and of others (Canter et al., 2017). Learn to love and offer value to specific individuals. You’ll find that by giving, you can feel a deeper joy than by merely receiving. This act of giving allows you to feel needed, powerful, and enriched, leading to a delightful life experience.
7. Always Be Curious and Open to New Possibilities
Facing uncertainties and risks with an open mind and heart, even making ourselves emotionally vulnerable, is defined as “vulnerability” by psychologists like Anna Bruk (2018). But don’t misunderstand; here, “vulnerability” is meant in a very positive way. Being vulnerable means living without excessive defenses. These individuals don’t prioritize living safely but are open to trying and welcoming all responses from the world, even if it’s rejection. While we expose ourselves to the risk of rejection and failure, we also embrace the hope of connecting with others and the potential for success. Because I am vulnerable, I need others and dare to show my true self. This also means understanding others’ vulnerabilities, ultimately leading us to trust and support one another. Thus, a life that wholly accepts possibilities and bravely embraces vulnerability is one that genuinely connects with the world.
8. Stop When You Feel the Need to
Have you recently heard a popular song called “Big Dreams”? It’s a lengthy 10-minute piece that touches upon every life stage, with each phase prompting the question, “What should I do?” After its performance on “Band’s Summer,” it became a sensation. Many could resonate with the relentless pace of life portrayed in the song, shedding tears of empathy. Many in their twenties and thirties have expressed that the line, “I’m like a machine that can’t stop. What should I do?” resonated the most. No one truly knows the answer. Every day, countless people get lost in the gears of an unrelenting society, feeling like mere cogs in the machine. So, without getting too technical about this, if you’re someone who can safely and effortlessly take a pause whenever you wish, then indeed, you’re living an enviable life.
9. Embracing a Spectrum of Emotions
Every one of us, whether we’re elated or downtrodden, has experienced both highs and lows in life. Meissner (1973) spoke of the concept of the traveler (homo viator). This symbol, drawn from Homer’s “Odyssey,” suggests that our existence is like being constantly on a journey. Ancient Chinese literature also resonates with this sentiment, describing life as a journey. Thus, a life filled with both joys and sorrows gives depth and meaning to our journey.
10. Having Clear Life Goals
Every gripping story, be it in a game, film, or novel, has main plots and side stories. It’s akin to our lives; when we have a clear purpose, life feels more fulfilling. However, real life doesn’t always lay out our goals for us. Discovering them is an adventure of its own. Once you’ve identified yours, embrace the exhilarating journey ahead.
11. Not Feeling Compelled to Prove Anything to Others
Many of us instinctively want to defend ourselves when misunderstood. But life can be more relaxed if we step away from constantly trying to prove ourselves. It’s essential to understand that changing someone’s perspective is hard. Recognize your feelings and needs without always seeking validation. Shifting away from this need-to-prove mindset can lead to a freer, simpler life.
12. Always Discovering the ‘New You’
This idea comes from Socrates, who said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” By this, he meant the value of self-reflection and understanding our desires and values. This introspection isn’t about finding answers but embracing the process. Many times, we might find ourselves changed from who we once were, and such evolution makes life all the more intriguing.
In Conclusion
It’s evident that aspects like wealth, appearance, status, or occupation, which often preoccupy us, don’t solely define a fulfilling life. These factors might cause anxiety but don’t determine life’s worth. Out of the 12 life experiences shared, which ones are you living? Even if it’s just one, celebrate your journey, for it’s worth every moment.
