We’ve all heard someone proudly declare, “I can’t help it, I’m a perfectionist!” It feels good to excel at things; it makes us feel unique or “special.” But when does striving for excellence become harmful? According to psychologist Thomas Greenspon, many fall into the trap of seeing perfectionism as the pursuit of excellence. In reality, perfectionism is chasing after unattainable goals, setting oneself up for a losing game.
Commonly understood, perfectionism is the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable.
Brene Brown, author of “The Gift of Imperfection,” differentiates perfectionism from doing one’s best: “Perfectionism is not the same as striving to be your best… It’s a shield. It’s a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”
In chasing the mirage of “perfection,” it not only prevents us from “flying” but also ensnares us in a series of other mental health issues and challenges.
Perfectionism and Mental Health
To err is human. Mistakes and accepting them are integral to growth and learning, propelling us forward in careers and relationships. However, perfectionists dread errors. They do everything possible to avert them and each mistake leads to profound self-blame and feelings of defeat, causing recurring bouts of self-disappointment.
The perpetual letdown from perfectionism is draining. Additionally, it exposes us to countless other psychological and physical health risks. Not only does perfectionism hold you back from realizing your fullest potential, but it can also usher in clinical symptoms like depression, anxiety, social phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, PTSD, chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia, hoarding, indigestion, chronic headaches, and, most alarmingly, it’s linked with premature death and suicide.
A common misconception is that if one isn’t a perfectionist in all aspects of life, they aren’t grappling with it. In contrast, perfectionism can manifest in just one area of your life and still cause significant distress, undermining your mental well-being.
10 Signs You Might Be Struggling with Perfectionism
01/10 Constant Self-Critique
Do you find that negative self-talk never seems to end?
Do you blame yourself for every situation?
“I should’ve known better.”
“I look overweight.”
“Why am I so clumsy?”
“It’s all my fault.”
“My hair is such a mess.”
“I don’t spend enough time with friends.”
Do you mistakenly believe that criticizing yourself will push you to do better and achieve more? These harmful inner voices, often termed “self-criticism”, can trap you in a cycle of feeling low.
02/10 Holding Yourself to Different Standards
Do you have expectations, rules, and standards for yourself that differ from those for others in your life?
Is a mistake by a loved one “understandable”, while the same mistake by you feels catastrophic?
Do you perpetually feel like your accomplishments aren’t good enough?
03/10 Basing Your Self-Worth Solely on Achievements and Performance
Do you equate being average with feeling inferior?
Do you feel like a total failure if you aren’t the class valedictorian, the employee of the month for every month, a CEO by 25, the team captain, or admitted to a top-tier university?
04/10 Constantly Comparing Yourself with Others
Do you often catch yourself measuring your accomplishments, family, car, possessions, appearance, or job against others? Comparison can be the thief of joy, and this practice is a surefire ticket to dwindling self-esteem.
05/10 Chronic Procrastination
Are you hesitant to start something because of the fear of making mistakes?
Do you tell yourself, why bother if it can’t be perfect?
Is it a challenge to get tasks done before the final deadline or even to sit down and start?
Does the idea of not effortlessly completing a task terrify you?
If so, perfectionism might be pulling the strings.
06/10 Taking Excessive Time to Complete Tasks
Do you often find yourself spending an unusually long time on a project or task that should only take 15 minutes?
Have you double or even triple-checked emails, spreadsheets, and other documents for spelling mistakes?
Do you find yourself trying to perfect a piece of work by redoing it again and again?
07/10 Difficulty in Relaxing
Even after ticking off the 22nd task from your day’s list, do you still feel anxious or unsettled once you set down your pen?
08/10 Overinvesting Time in Personal Goals
Have friends, family, or partners stopped asking you to hang out because they already expect an “I can’t, I have work to do tonight” in response?
One sign of problematic perfectionism is when the excessive time spent towards achieving your goals invariably starts distancing you from the things you enjoy and the people you love.
09/10 Persistent “Not Good Enough” Thoughts
Do you constantly feel you’re not smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, thin enough, or ambitious enough?
Sadly, these ill-fitted beliefs often stem from childhood experiences with family, coaches, peers, teachers, etc., fueling the drive for perfectionism. It might be beneficial to seek assistance from a mental health expert to address and heal them.
10/10 Always “All or Nothing”
If you scored 95 on a test instead of a perfect 100, do you spend hours, or even days, brooding over this “catastrophe”?
This kind of extreme thinking, often associated with depressive thoughts, can make it feel like it’s either total success or utter failure when dealing with perfectionism.
Remember, life rarely operates in absolutes. Things are seldom purely “always like this” or “never like that”, and very few things are either perfect or total disasters.
