I have a couple-friend whose work schedules are quite busy. Despite living together, it’s rare for them to share dinner during the weekdays. Often one is asleep by the time the other arrives home, and weekends are spent apart due to work travels. Yet, amidst the lack of daily interactions and companionship, their bond remains strong and they feel utterly content and happy together.
Once, during their anniversary party which I attended, I curiously asked how they managed to maintain such happiness. They shared, “Since our time together is limited, we truly value every moment we share, especially during significant occasions. Celebrating our anniversary with a party might seem overly ceremonial to some, but for us, it’s these joyous moments that enhance our happiness together.”
Their words reminded me of a concept I came across earlier, called ‘creating pivotal life moments.’ It’s about selecting certain memorable life milestones and imbuing them with meaningful ceremonies, making them lasting, cherished memories.
Although it might seem like an effort, it’s actually a scientifically validated approach to enhance one’s happiness. The experiences gathered during these ‘pivotal life moments’ are not superficial but leave a profound mark in our lives, enriching our overall experience.
Today, I’d like to share why creating ‘pivotal life moments’ can significantly enhance our happiness and how you might create your own ‘pivotal life moments’.
The Human Need for Ceremony Has Found Its Scientific Backing
‘Pivotal life moments’ refer to instances filled with peak positive emotional experiences. They elevate our happiness because psychologists have found that our lives are measured by moments, not by every minor detail. Our brain, to conserve cognitive resources, tends to remember emotional peaks (Kahneman, 2012).
An experiment involving colonoscopy patients recalling their level of discomfort showed that the remembered discomfort was not related to the duration but to the peak levels of discomfort, indicating a close link to emotional peak experiences (Kahneman, 2012).
Researchers believe this memory preference towards emotional peaks applies to positive experiences like joy and pleasure (Kahneman, 2012).
Another study confirmed this when Boston Red Sox fans were asked to recall memorable victories; they often recalled the most thrilling games, regardless of the actual scores (Morewedge et al., 2005).
Meaning, due to cognitive biases, the more positive emotional peaks we experience, the happier our recollection of our lives.
Moreover, not every day impacts our life narrative equally. Narrative therapy suggests that we pick certain memorable life nodes when narrating our life stories, as these nodes help us perceive who we are and the meaning of our lives.
Therefore, significant life nodes have a much larger impact on our life satisfaction and happiness compared to ordinary days. Hence, creating positive peak experiences through ceremonies on these significant nodes can greatly influence our life narrative, satisfaction, and happiness.
How to Create “Life’s Key Moments” to Enhance Happiness?
Firstly, we can select certain life milestones that are more likely to be memorable. These could be days with clear commemorative significance like birthdays, anniversaries; or they could be tied to personal peaks or troughs based on your current experiences, such as the day you topped a major examination, or experienced your first heartbreak. Even in times of adversity, if we obtain positive experiences such as support from friends and family, looking back, those moments still bring strength to our lives.
You can also craft your chosen life milestones. For instance, if you’ve finally achieved a difficult goal, marking that day as a milestone in your life makes it a significant life node for you.
By adding positive emotional peak experiences to these life nodes, we can actively create “life’s key moments.” Here are three ways to go about it:
01 | Indulge in More Sensory Pleasures on Meaningful Life Nodes
When we obtain more sensory pleasures on life nodes, we tend to remember them better and hold them dear. This is because elevating sensory inputs like taste, touch, and hearing can lead to a higher degree of emotional arousal. Especially when sensory inputs have artistic qualities, emotional arousal reaches a peak level, a phenomenon known as “kandoh” (Mori & Iwanaga, 2017).
For example, at a wedding, playing a playlist of familiar songs that hold special meaning for you as the exclusive background music for the ceremony. Or on an anniversary, watching the movie you saw on your first date to end the day. These can all help you experience emotional peaks at that special moment.
Research found that multi-sensory combinations are more effective (Sievers et al., 2019). Hence, it’s common for people to plan activities like dining out, watching movies during holidays, or singing and drinking on New Year’s Eve.
02 | Add an Adventure You’ve Never Dared but Always Wanted to Do at Your Life Milestones
For instance, upon graduating with outstanding grades or securing a coveted job offer, you could plan an adventure for yourself. It could be a road trip, exploring caves, or even trying extreme sports like bungee jumping, skydiving, or racing (provided your health allows).
These experiences will take you through emotional swings from anxiety to exhilaration, creating emotional peaks. Also, when we finally break through and complete something we’ve longed to try, we achieve a sense of self-efficacy, deriving joy from it.
03 | Break the Routine in Meaningful Ways on Special Occasions
Everyone has a fixed life script — when to go to work, what to do in the evenings, where to go on weekends… However, on significant life nodes, attempting to “break the routine” can enrich our emotional experiences. For example, on the day of graduation, you could host a themed party trying out unusual attire.
Similarly, during a honeymoon trip with your partner, opt for a lesser-known route, camp outdoors, and cook over a fire. These breaks from the norm can turn these moments into highlights of your life.
On a closer look, your life already has many moments worthy of being remembered. Turning these moments into “life’s key moments” isn’t that difficult; it just requires us to consciously enjoy life and boldly try various experiences. Here’s hoping everyone can have a wealth of shining memories.
References
Kahneman, D. (2012). Thinking, fast and slow. Penguin.
Morewedge, C. K., Gilbert, D. T., & Wilson, T. D. (2005). The least likely of times: How remembering the past biases forecasts of the future. Psychological Science, 16(8), 626-630.
Mori, K., & Iwanaga, M. (2017). Two types of peak emotional responses to music: The psychophysiology of chills and tears. Scientific reports, 7(1), 46063.
