Confidence is something we all seek and can easily spot in others. Yet, when it comes to nurturing it within ourselves, it can feel like an uphill battle. The silver lining? Confidence isn’t as elusive as it seems, and there are practical steps to cultivate it.
Where Does Confidence Stem from?
Confidence is the inner assurance in our skills, choices, and values. It bubbles up from a deep sense of understanding and embracing both our strengths and weaknesses, all while maintaining a positive self-view. Our confidence is also shaped by the affirmations and ideas we absorb from the world around us that reinforce a positive self-image.
Think of toddlers, fearless in taking risks, like jumping off a swing or dancing in front of a crowd. The affirmations and encouragements they receive at this young age bolster their self-worth, paving the way for a mindset that believes in their worthiness, beauty, intelligence, and more.
Although many start with a strong sense of confidence in childhood, life’s curveballs can sometimes chip away at it. Low self-esteem can lead to difficulty in handling criticisms or trusting oneself and others. The good news? Every moment presents an opportunity to rebuild confidence. Over time, through various experiences, you can nurture and grow your trust in yourself.
It’s important to note that while they might seem similar on the surface, shyness or introversion doesn’t equate to a lack of confidence. Shyness is an inherent trait where some individuals might naturally feel timid around others. Introverts, as described by Carl Jung, are individuals inclined towards introspection and reflection, contrasting with extroverts who thrive on social interactions.
What Dims Our Confidence?
Just as there are ways to foster positive confidence, certain experiences can erode it. The way we socialize and perceive ourselves, along with the tumultuous transitions of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, can be confidence-shakers. Some factors leading to a reduced self-image include:
- Overly critical or harsh parenting.
- Parents inhibiting their children from exploration.
- Feeling rejected by peers.
- Struggling with the transition to adulthood.
- Media portrayals and societal expectations of what one’s “ideal” should be.
Confidence levels can also vary with situations. You might be brimming with confidence in math due to recognition and accolades. Yet, public speaking might daunt you because of previous critiques from peers that you haven’t yet processed constructively.
The encouraging takeaway? Low self-esteem isn’t set in stone. You have the power to reshape it!
13 Simple Ways to Build Confidence
1. Pinpointing the Roots of Low Confidence
Start with self-reflection and journaling to discover the core reasons for your lack of self-assuredness. Log recurring doubts over a week, identify their origins, evaluate their significance, and plan your responses. If you’re struggling, consider guidance from a mentor or coach.
2. Recognize Your Personal Confidence Indicators
Spend time understanding what confidence feels like to you. It might be speaking up more at work, wearing that outfit you’ve been eyeing, or introducing yourself to someone you admire. Everyone’s measure of confidence varies.
3. Stay True to Yourself
If you often use the term “should,” like “I should be married by 30,” or “I should have a house next year,” pause and consider where these “shoulds” come from. Many stem from cultural or familial expectations. Asking yourself, “Is this truly what I desire?” can be insightful. The more your decisions align with your true self, the more confident you’ll feel.
4. Start Small
Massive changes can be intimidating. A key to self-improvement is taking small steps. Build confidence by setting minor promises to yourself and sticking to them. Aim for manageable challenges, like adjusting your bedtime if you’re not a morning person.
5. Adopt a Growth Mindset
A growth mindset encourages exploration beyond current abilities, seeing potential for progress. Instead of saying “I’m not confident,” say “I’m not confident yet.” Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals can further foster this mindset.
6. Embrace Failure
Our culture often shuns failure, celebrating successes and glossing over setbacks. Recognizing that failures happen and are a part of the journey helps in fully experiencing life. While accomplishments are rewarding, true confidence is rooted in one’s self-belief, independent of external achievements. It’s about maintaining self-assurance regardless of wins or losses.
7. Address Inner Criticisms
At times, you might second-guess yourself, mainly if you’ve faced criticism from influential figures in your early life like parents or teachers. Those criticisms might have even shaped your beliefs about yourself. However, when such feedback no longer aligns with your current life, it’s time to confront those past critiques. Confidence can blossom when you rewrite those narratives in your mind, recognize limiting beliefs, and reshape them. Often, the voice in our head telling us we aren’t good enough isn’t truly our own but a culmination of past critics. By addressing these inner criticisms, our innate, often suppressed confidence can resurface.
8. Understand Emotions are Temporary
“Emotions are tunnels. You have to move through the darkness to get to the light at the end.” – Emily Nagoski.
Emotions have a lifecycle: a beginning, a middle, and an end. While they might feel intense in the moment, they are fleeting. At their core, emotions are physiological responses to stimuli in our environment. Whether it’s stress from a Wi-Fi outage right before a presentation, joy from an unexpected gift, or sadness from an old message, these feelings offer insights for our next actions. Any emotion, like anxiety or fear, that holds you back is temporary. Once it fades, you’re free to move forward. As Orison Swett Marden, founder of SUCCESS Magazine, once said, “Most of our obstacles would melt away if we’d make up our minds to walk boldly through them.”
9. Focus on What You Can Control
Often, our confidence is tied to elements beyond our control: others’ opinions, project outcomes, reactions, and more. For genuine confidence, it’s crucial to release attachments to uncontrollable elements and focus on what’s within our power. For instance, instead of obsessing over colleagues’ reactions during a presentation, concentrate on your preparation and passion for the topic. By focusing on controllable aspects, even if it’s just a tiny part of your goal, you gain stability to move forward. Remember, building confidence fosters more confidence, especially when it’s rooted in internal strength.
10. Build a Support Network
Research shows our self-perception is often skewed. Whether you undervalue or overestimate your abilities, it’s challenging to establish genuine confidence in isolation. Engage with your surroundings, hobbies, and others. Creating a nurturing environment for your budding confidence is vital. Share experiences with close friends on similar self-improvement journeys and seek mentors, coaches, podcasts, blogs, and books to foster newfound confidence.
11. Take a Social Media Break
Studies suggest those with lower self-esteem might create a “false self” on social media, leading to distorted self-worth. Consider taking a hiatus from social platforms to reconnect with real people and avoid falling into the comparison trap.
12. Cultivate Compassion
Nurturing self-compassion assists in treating ourselves kindly during life’s challenges, shifting from negative self-talk to a more loving and constructive inner dialogue. Compassion is pivotal for confidence. Holding onto past ‘mistakes’ or ‘failures’ can dampen our self-belief. Being kinder to ourselves, allowing room for past missteps, means letting ourselves believe in our worth.
13. Seek Professional Guidance
If the journey to self-confidence feels increasingly daunting, it might be time to seek expert guidance. While personal reflection and journaling can address root causes of low self-worth, collaborating with professionals often yields more effective results.
The Benefits of Boosting Your Confidence
Boosting your confidence might seem like a hefty task at first, but the rewards it brings are worth every bit of effort. Here are some advantages:
1. Embracing New Adventures
Confidence is the springboard for many endeavors in life, empowering us to explore new territories and step out of our comfort zones.
2. Achieving Greater Heights
Be it in work, sports, or personal pursuits, having confidence can make accomplishing tasks smoother, leading to success. Interestingly, confidence can even be a better predictor of performance than actual capability!
3. Shaping the Life You Desire
When we lack self-belief, we often act in ways that lead to the very outcomes we fear. By enhancing our confidence, we can act decisively and manifest outcomes that reflect our inner strength.
4. Discerning Others’ Motives and Your Own Desires
Economists in a study about confidence and social interactions noted that while many thrive on praise from others, some benefit from your capabilities. For instance, a manager might appreciate your event-planning skills because it makes their job easier. With confidence, you can identify not just what you’re good at, but also what you truly want to excel in, rather than just where you receive external validation.
5. Making Decisions True to Yourself
When you’re confident, you start making choices that align with your genuine desires. You rely less on external advice, directing your actions toward what truly resonates with you.
In Conclusion
While most of us are born with a healthy dose of confidence, life throws challenges that might dent this self-assuredness. However, regaining confidence is achievable, and it’s an endeavor that promises a richer, fuller life.
